"Where's Gage?" asked Captain Stanley as he entered the community room.
"Where do you think?" asked Roy dryly.
"Not my office again?!" stated the Captain incredulously.
Roy just nodded his head as he drank some of his coffee. Captain Stanley just rolled his eyes as he headed out of the room mumbling to himself. When he entered his office he saw Johnny sitting very comfortably behind his desk with his feet propped up and the phone plastered to his ear.
"War of 1812, World War I, World War II and Korea." Johnny said into the phone.
"John…" started the Captain, but Johnny quickly motioned for him to be quiet. "I don't believe this!" mumbled the Captain to himself. "My office and the twit tells me to be quiet!"
Johnny's eyes lit up as he quickly sat up and hunched over the desk.
"Really?!!" he stated in shock. "Yes you can reach me at either of those numbers! And if I'm out someone will DEFIANTELY take a message for me! Thank you!"
Johnny hung up the phone and stared at it in disbelief. "I don't believe it! I just don't believe it!"
"John we need to talk about your invasion of my office. I don't mind you borrowing my phone on occasion for personal calls, but you can not monopolize it for some silly contest." stated the Captain firmly.
Johnny looked up at his commander with a lost expression on his face. "Hunh?" he asked still dazed.
"GET OUT OF MY OFFICE YOU TWIT!!!" yelled the Captain.
Johnny quickly jumped up from behind the desk and headed for the opposite side as Captain Stanley sat down in his chair..
"Sorry Capt." he apologized. "You're never going to believe this , but I just qualified for that contest I've been trying to enter!" he stated excitedly.
"Good. Maybe now I can have my phone back and some work'll get done around here. Speaking of work I need you to hang the hoses."
"Aw Capt.!" whined Johnny.
"Don't "Aw Capt." me. You were suppose to hang the hoses yesterday and you didn't because of this contest thing. I want you to do it today…NOW!" ordered the Captain.
"Yes sir." Johnny answered meekly. He headed out of the Captain's office only to return a short moment later. "Capt…"
Captain Stanley looked at his young paramedic in annoyance. "What now Gage?" he asked in exasperation.
"I just wanted to let you know that I should be getting a call from Regie Filbert. I gave this as one of the numbers he could reach me at, so if you don't mind…"
"What do I look like your personal secretary?!" asked the Captain sarcastically. "Who is Regie Filbert anyway?" He sounds like a used car sales man."
"It's the host from the show I'm trying to get on. He's suppose to call me in the next day or so. If he calls just let me know."
"Will you go to work if I promise to give you the message?" the Captain asked sarcastically.
"Yes." Johnny answered matter of factly.
"Fine. I promise if Regie Filbert calls I'll let you know. Now beat it!!"
Johnny hurried out of the office and headed for the community room. Marco was at the stove cooking. Chet was washing the windows while Roy mopped the floor. Mike was sitting on the couch polishing a hose connector when Johnny burst into the room excitedly.
"Hey! Watch where you step! I just mopped there!" complained Roy.
"Sorry." Johnny snapped back as he side stepped Roy's mop. "Hey guess what just happened to me!" he announced excitedly.
Chet looked over his shoulder at Johnny as he continued to work, "Let me guess, they found your home planet and your going to be beamed back." he cracked.
Johnny shot Chet a murderous look "Ha! Ha! Very funny." he chided sarcastically. "You're going to regret being mean to me when I become a millionaire."
"The day you get a million dollars Gage is the day I shave my mustache off." quipped Chet.
"I'll lend you my razor." Johnny stated smugly.
"Johnny just WHAT are you babbling about?" asked Roy as he leaned on his mop.
Johnny turned to look at Roy. The excitement was evident on the young man's face.
"You know that contest I've been trying to enter?"
"You mean that TV game show thing?"
"Yeah, that's the one. Well I just got off the phone and guess what!!!"
"Ma Bell is giving you frequent flier miles for all the time you've logged on the phone?" teased Chet.
Johnny glanced over his shoulder at Chet with an irritated look.
"Will you shut up." He stated with annoyance. He turned to face Roy again. "I qualified!!!!"
Roy looked at his partner with a completely blank state. Johnny raised his eye brows and looked at Roy in anticipation.
"Well?!!!" he asked excitedly.
"Qualified for what?" Roy asked dumbly.
"A brain transplant." concluded Chet. Roy and the others stifled their laughter as Johnny menacingly headed toward Chet."
"CHET!!!! I'm warning you! One more wise crack and you're gonna get it!" Johnny stated angrily as he waved his fist at Chet.
"So what did you qualify for?" asked Roy.
Johnny glared at Chet as he answered. "I'm going to be on TV. The host of the show is going to call me in the next day or so to set things up."
"Is that the new show they show every night after the six o'clock news?" Marco asked.
"Yeah. It's called "You Too Can Win Big" and the Grand Prize is a million dollars. I'm gonna be rich!" Johnny stated excitedly.
"I've seen that show. It's pretty brainless." offered Mike.
"Well if it's brainless then Gage has a shot at winning." joked Chet.
"Well if it's so easy how come you didn't try out for it?" countered Johnny as he glared at Chet.
"Maybe because I have a life." Chet answered matter of factly.
"What is the show all about anyway?" Roy asked hoping to avoid an all out war between Johnny and Chet.
"You have to answer various questions within a certain time limit. You can stop at anytime or you can chose to go on and try for the jackpot. They even allow the contestants to have help from people in the audience or to call their friends for help, but they only let you do that once." stated Johnny
"And you really think they're going to call you and ask you to be on that show?" Marco asked incredulously,
"Yeah. I was one of the quickest callers this week and the lady on the phone said that Regie Filbert would be calling me personally to schedule when I should be at the studio."
Captain Stanley's voice could be heard six counties away as he bellowed from the engine bay, "GAGE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Johnny's eyebrows shot up and his eyes popped out of his head as he heard his commanders voice. "Yeah Capt.?! Is Regie on the phone?" he asked hopefully.
Captain Stanley entered the community room. He glared angrily at his young paramedic with an icy stare.
"No Regie is NOT on the phone!" he stated hotly. "And I don't see any hoses being hung either. Now get out there and get some work done before I decide to cut every phone line in this place!" he ordered.
"Y…y…yes sir." stammered Johnny as he quickly headed for the door.
Captain Stanley looked at his other firemen helplessly.
"What is going on in this squirrel cage any way.? he asked.
"Johnny seriously thinks he's going to be on television and that he's going to win a million dollars." Chet offered in explanation.
"It'll never happen. Everyone in the country is trying to get on that show. " stated Mike.
"He does seem pretty confident about being a runner up. Maybe this time he'll actually make it." concluded Roy.
"I say if he does make it he blows it on the first question." chimed in Chet.
"I thought you said the show is brainless?" Roy quarried.
"It is. The question Johnny'll blow is, What's your name?" laughed Chet. The others laughed at his comment.
"I'll just be glad when this whole thing is over with so we can get back to some real work." Captain Stanley sighed.
"Hey, WE'RE doing OUR jobs." protested Chet.
Captain Stanley gave Chet a suspicious look. He knew his firemen well enough to know that things were really going to start going down hill before they got any better. He shook his head and sighed heavily as he headed out the door. The other men just watched him leave in silent confusion.
"What was THAT all about?" Chet asked innocently.
Roy, Marco and Mike looked at Chet and shrugged their shoulders as they went back to work. The tones sounded and everyone dropped what they were doing.
"Squad 51 child injured. 3458 Evenston Rd. Three…four….five…eight Evenston Rd. Cross street Wilcox. Time out 1155."
Roy ran out to the engine bay where he was met by Johnny. The two paramedics got into the squad as Captain Stanley confirmed the call.
"LA KMG 365" answered the Captain who then handed the address to Roy. Roy passed the paper to Johnny and pulled the squad out of the bay.
The squad pulled to a stop in front of a residential home. A small boy sat on the curb crying hysterically. He held his right arm against his chest as his mother tried to comfort him. A broken bicycle laid off to the side of the curb. Johnny and Roy grabbed the trauma and drug boxes from the squad and headed over to the child.
"What happened?" Johnny asked as he looked at the woman.
"I don't know really. I was in the house getting lunch ready when I heard Simon start screaming." she stated frantically. "When I came out he was sitting here crying and holding his arm."
Johnny squatted down next to the boy. He reached for the child's left wrist and spoke soothingly to him. "Simon I'm just gonna take your pulse okay? Does your left arm hurt?"
The child just shook his head as he kept sobbing. Roy scanned the area and noticed the bike. He walked over and picked up the handle bars which were laying a few feet away from the body of the bicycle.
"I think I found the cause of the accident" he sated matter of factly as he looked at Johnny.
Johnny glanced up at Roy and after seeing the handlebars nodded his head. He turned his attention back to the child.
"So the bike fell apart on you hunh?" he asked as he prepared to take Simon's blood pressure. The boy nodded his head.
"Okay, let me see that arm okay?" Johnny stated calmly. He reached for the child's right arm, but as soon as his fingers touched the limb the boy let out a blood curdling scream. Johnny and Roy were knocked off guard momentarily by the sound and looked at each other in surprise.
"I'll get the biophone and some splints." stated Roy as he stood up and headed for the squad.
"Okay…we'll just wait for a moment on that arm. Here let me look at your eyes alright?" Johnny pulled his penlight out of his pocket and flashed it in the child's eyes.
"Just look at me alright?"
Roy returned with the biophone which he set down on the sidewalk. He set the phone up and prepared to call the hospital.
"What's wrong with him?" asked the mother hysterically. "Why'd he scream like that?"
"I'm not sure. I think he may have broken his arm though. But I need to get a better look." Johnny looked over at Roy "Respiration's are 25, pupils are equal and reactive and pulse is 40."
Roy wrote down the information. "Got it."
"Okay Simon I need to see your arm."
As Johnny reached for Simon's right arm again the child pulled away violently shielding the arm from everyone's view.
"NO!!!!" screamed the child.
"Simon calm down!" stated Johnny firmly. "I want to make it feel better, but I can't do that if you won't let me look at it."
"You'll make it hurt again!" wailed the child.
"I probably will…but just for a little bit. Come on Simon let me see your arm." Johnny stated reassuringly. "I promise I'll try to be careful."
"Please honey let these men look at your arm." pleaded his mother.
The child looked at his mother helplessly. The worried look on her face convinced him to turn back toward Johnny. Slowly and very gently Johnny took the small arm into his hands as Simon winced and cried in pain.
Johnny tried to keep the child calm by speaking very soothingly to him. "Shhhh. I know. It hurts. I know. But you're doing real good."
Johnny and Roy both examined the child's wrist and hand which were swollen three times the normal size. The wrist was at an odd angel and the fingers were slightly bluish.
"Oh my!" gasped the mother as she gazed at her son's arm.
"How'd you do this to yourself?" asked Roy.
"I…I was riding my bike…and the handle bars came off…and I fell…..and I hit the curb with my hand." Simon sobbed.
"I'd say he definitely broke it." concluded Roy.
The ambulance approached the scene as Roy got on the biophone.
"Ask for some morphine. I don't think we're going to be able to put the splint on without it." sated Johnny.
"Rampart this is Squad 51…
As Roy relayed the information to the hospital Johnny got the IV ready. Simon's eyes grew wide with terror.
"NO!!! I don't want a shot!" he protested hysterically. "No needles!" His mother held him tighter.
"Rampart okayed the MS." Roy informed Johnny.
Johnny nodded his head in acknowledgment. Then he looked at the small child.
"Simon remember I told you we were going to try to stop it from hurting?" he asked gently. The boy nodded his head slowly.
"Well in order to do that I have to give you some medicine. And the only way I can do that is with this IV." As he continued to talk Johnny started to work on the IV
Simon watched in horrified silence as Johnny put a rubber band around his left arm.
"Now why don't you close your eyes and think of your favorite place in the world."
Simon stared at Johnny as if he had completely lost his mind.
"Come on, trust me. Close your eyes and think of some place you'd rather be right now."
"How 'bout the beach. You liked when we took you there over the summer." offered the mother in an effort to help calm her son.
Simon closed his eyes real tight as his mother held his head against her chest. Roy watched in silent amazement as his partner worked.
"Okay, I'll bet when you went to the beach you got bit by a lot of mosquitoes hunh?'
"Yeah." Simon answered quietly.
"Well here comes one now." Johnny inserted the needle and removed the rubber band. Simon winced slightly. "There…now that wasn't so bad. Now was it?"
"I guess not." mumbled the child.
"Your doing real good. Now I just need you to stay at the beach a little longer so we can put something on your arm that will make it feel better until we get you to the hospital. Can you do that for me?"
"I…I guess so."
"Good deal." Johnny motioned for Roy to start splinting the arm. As Roy worked Johnny kept talking to the child. Every so often the boy would wince in pain, but he was much calmer and co-operative than he had been previously. Johnny carried him over to the waiting stretcher. The ambulance attendants loaded the boy into the back of the vehicle and Johnny climbed in after him. Roy handed in the equipment then closed the doors.
"We're going to take him to Rampart General." he informed the mother. "You can ride along if you'd like."
"Thank you." she stated with relief. "I'd like that very much."
Roy escorted her to the front of the ambulance and she got inside. The ambulance headed for the hospital as Roy followed behind in the squad.
"Man I can't believe they had to actually operate just to put that kid's wrist back into place." sated Johnny as Roy backed the squad into the engine bay.
"That was something else. I've never seen a broken bone like that before in my life." added Roy. "I'm just glad that there was no lasting damage."
"Me too. He was a nice kid. Once he calmed down."
"Hey you did really good out there with him. You know someday you're going to make a terrific father."
"At the rate I'm going with Linda THAT won't be any time soon." scoffed Johnny.
Roy gave his partner a cockeyed look as they got out of the squad.
"Johnny don't you think you should have a second date with the girl first before you start planning a family?" he inquired.
"I'm trying. I've asked her out again on three separate occasions and she's been busy." Johnny leaned on the hood of the squad and looked at Roy with a puzzled look. "I just don't get it. I mean I know she digs me, but why is she suddenly acting like she's not interested.?"
"Maybe you're going to fast for her. I mean think about it, here you are planning to have kids with her and you've only gone out once.. Back off and give her some space."
Johnny shook his head. "No I don't think that's it at all." he stated thoughtfully.
Roy studied his partner for a moment before he decided to speak again, "Well there's always another possibility.".
"What? That there's someone else?" concluded Johnny. "Don't cha think I already considered that possibility?"
"No…that's not what I was thinking at all."
"Well what then?"
"Maybe she really is busy." stated Roy dryly as he headed for the locker rooms. Johnny thought about his comment for a moment and turned around to respond. His was interrupted by Chet calling from the doorway of the community room.
"Hey Gage! Phone call for you!" yelled Chet.
"Take a message!" Johnny called back absently.
"Okay. But it's some guy named Regie and he's calling about that…"
Chet had no time to finish his sentence as Johnny plowed into him on his way into the community room. Chet watched as Johnny dove for the receiver that was dangling by it's cord on the pay phone. A mischievous smile spread across his face as he watched the action. Roy came up next to him.
"Did he really call?" Roy asked suspiciously.
"What do you think?" asked Chet as he pointed to Johnny on the phone.
"HELLO?!!" Johnny answered anxiously. "HELLO?!!!!!"
Marco watched in amusement from his seat on the couch as Chet and Roy watched from the doorway. Mike kept his head buried in the paper he was reading.
"HELLO?!!!!" stated Johnny frantically. "Anybody there?! Hello?!"
Captain Stanley joined Chet and Roy at the door.
"What's going on?" he inquired curiously as he tried to see around the corner.
"The Phantom strikes again." chuckled Chet.
Captain Stanley looked at Chet in confusion. "What'd you do now Kelly?"
"Seems Regie is calling." laughed Roy.
The Captain tried to stifle a laugh. "You know that's down right cruel Kelly."
"Aw come on Capt. he deserves it." protested Chet.
"I didn't say he didn't deserve it. I just said it was cruel." quipped the Captain.
Johnny listened intently to the phone for a moment. His expression changed from one of excitement to one of confusion. Then it darkened into a murderous look. He slammed the receiver down and spun around angrily. Marco quickly went back to reading the magazine he was holding. Johnny glared at Marco.
"Where's Chet?!" he demanded.
Marco looked at him innocently and just shrugged his shoulders. "Haven't seen him."
"Yeah. I'll bet." Johnny mumbled. "CHET!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
"Gotta go!" Chet stated as he waved and spun around on his heels and ran for the locker room. Captain Stanley and Roy started to crack up just as Johnny came flying out the door.
"Where is that little weasel?! I swear I'm gonna kill him!" Johnny fumed as he waved his fist in the air.
"Johnny calm down. Chet was just playing around. After all don't you think you're taking this contest thing just a little too seriously?" asked Roy.
"Yeah. Really. What would you do with a million dollars anyway?" inquired the Captain.
"For starters I'd have Chet perminately removed from this planet!" stated Johnny.
"No really. What would you do with that much money?" persisted the Captain.
"A lot. I could retire early and I could buy a big house, a yacht and a fleet of cars. I could buy Linda furs and diamonds and fancy dinners…" started Johnny
"Who says Linda wants any of that stuff?" Roy asked incredulously.
"What girl doesn't?" countered Johnny.
"Linda doesn't seem the materialistic type to me." said Captain Stanley. "I mean after all the girl was happy with one of your econo dates that you're so famous for and she still wants to go out with you."
"Well maybe I don't want her dating a POOR fireman!" concluded Johnny firmly.
"You know what I think?" asked Roy matter of factly.
"No, but I'm sure you're going to tell me." snapped Johnny.
"I think you're a lunatic." answered Roy flatly as he headed into the community room.
Johnny was taken aback by Roy's comment and tried to think of a witty come back. He found himself at a loss for words as he helplessly stared vacantly after Roy.
"You know what I think?" Captain Stanley asked matter of factly.
"Hunh?" asked Johnny absently.
"I think there's still some hoses that need hung up." finished the commander as he jerked his thumb toward the rear door of the engine bay. Johnny absently stared at the Captain in total incomprehension.
"Hoses. Right. I'll get right on that."
Captain Stanley headed for his office. Johnny headed for the back of the station.
"Hang the hoses. That's the story of my life. Wait until I win all that money. I was going to buy them all brand new cars, but not now. No way! I'm going to quite this place and live on some deserted island in the tropics. Just me and Linda all alone with our twenty kids. No Chet to annoy us. No Roy, no Marco….no Captain telling me to hang hoses. Boy will they be sorry." he muttered to himself as he walked outside and picked up a hose.
Chet poked his head out from the door of the locker room and looked around cautiously. He could hear Johnny talking to himself outside. Finding the coast clear he headed for the community room.
Johnny was even more tense and anxious the next day as he entered the community room.
"So did Regie call you last night?" Chet asked casually as he took a sip of his coffee.
"No. But he's going to call today. I can feel it." Johnny stated a little too enthusiastically. "Roy do you really need to be on the phone right now?"
Roy cupped his hand over the speaker of the phone and looked at Johnny with an annoyed look. "I'm talking to Joanne."
"You just left home. What could you possibly have to talk about so soon that can't wait until later?" Johnny asked incredulously.
"Chris slammed his hand in the front door as they were leaving for school and I'm telling her what to do." Roy answered curtly.
"Well…hurry up will ya. I need to keep the phones free. Regie is going to call today." Johnny headed out of the community room as Roy rolled his eyes and went back to his conversation.
Captain Stanley was sitting at his desk talking on the phone when Johnny burst unannounced into his office. The Captain looked up at the intruder with in confusion.
"Don't you know how to knock? What do you want Gage?" he asked as he covered the speaker of the receiver.
"Um…well…you see…" stammered Johnny.
"Hurry up and spit it out. I'm on call with Captain Ashboro at Station 110." Stated the captain impatiently.
"You going to be long Capt?" Johnny asked weakly.
"Why?" asked the Captain suspiciously.
"Well it's just that I'm waiting for Regie Filbert to call and I know today will be the day and I'd like to keep all the lines open." Johnny mumbled. The icy stare he received from his commander made him feel about two inches tall.
"GET OUT!!!" bellowed the Captain.
Johnny scurried out of the office. Captain Stanley went back to his conversation. Marco was in the bunk room using the phone by Captain Stanley's bed when Johnny came in and grabbed the receiver from his hand.
"HEY!!!" yelled the startled fireman. "I'm talking to my sister about her new baby. Give me back the phone Gage!"
Johnny got on the receiver and spoke into it, "Hi Selena it's Johnny…yeah congratulations on the new baby. Look Marco will have to call you back later. I'm expecting a very important phone call and I have to keep all the lines free…okay. Bye."
Johnny hung up the phone on a stunned Marco.
"What is your problem?!" Marco asked sarcastically.
"Regie didn't call yesterday at all which means he's bound to call today. I am NOT about to miss that call!" stated Johnny as he quickly headed out of the bunk room in search of another phone to police. Marco just stared after him in utter confusion.
Captain Stanley was still on the phone when Marco, Roy and Chet all came into his office.
"Capt you've got to do something about Johnny!" said Roy.
"He just hung up on my sister!" complained Marco.
"He's losing what little mind he has left!" added Chet.
"Al I have to go…no, no problem except one of my paramedics has just had a nervous break down….I'll explain later…okay…good-bye." He hung up the phone and looked at his mob of unhappy firemen. "What is going on around here?! First I have Hurricane Gage invading my office! Now I have a lynch mob gathering!"
"Johnny has designated himself a one man phone patrol. He won't let anyone within 100 yards of any of the phones!" complained Roy. "He just made me hang up on my conversation with Joanne…"
"And he hung up on my sister Selena…"
"And he threatened to break every bone in my body if I even THOUGHT about using a phone!" added Chet.
"Yeah I know. He just tried to get me to hang up on my conversation too." sighed the Captain.
"What are we going to do?!" asked Roy helplessly.
"Give Gage a diversion. Go get him!" ordered the Captain.
The three firemen left and returned shortly dragging a reluctant Johnny with them.
"Hey?! What's going on?!" Johnny protested.
"John we took a vote. And seeing how addicted you've become to the phone lately we've decided that the best way to break this addiction is to lock you in a room where there are no phones at all." stated Captain Stanley.
"But Catpt….!!!!!" Johnny protested.
"Shut up Gage!" ordered the Captain. "You're on latrine duty for the rest of the day! The only phone you're even allowed to use is the biophone. Do you hear me?!"
"But Capt…the people from the contest are going to call me!" Johnny pleaded plaintively.
"Get a grip and join the real world Johnny. You're probably not the first person they promised to call and you won't be the last. It's only a silly game show anyway." stated Chet.
Johnny wanted to respond, but as he looked around at the faces of his coworkers and friend's he thought better of it and shut his mouth. Mike poked his head into the Captain's office.
"Excuse me Capt., but Johnny has a call in the community room. It's that guy from the contest."
Johnny tore out of the Captain's office in a dead run as the rest of the men looked at each other skeptically.
"Kelly are you playing another joke on him?" Captain Stanley asked warily.
"No. I swear Capt." answered Chet as he crossed his heart.
"You don't think…?" started Roy.
"Oh it couldn't be…" added Marco as the rest of the crew quickly headed out of the office and followed Johnny.
Johnny skidded to a stop by the pay phone. In one swift move he grabbed the dangling receiver in his left hand as he crashed to a stop against the wall.
"Hello?!" he answered breathlessly. "Yes this is John Gage…..!"
The rest of the men gathered around the young man and listened intently to his conversation. Johnny pulled a pen and a pad from his pocket and wrote down some notes as he talked.
"Tonight at Studio C….eight o'clock…right. No problem. I'll be there." Johnny hung up the phone. He looked at the expectant faces staring at him and a smug smile crossed his face. Slowly he returned the pen and notebook to his pocket savoring every moment.
"Well?" asked Captain Stanley with a hint of curiosity rising in his voice.
"You got on that show didn't you?" asked Roy in disbelief.
Johnny nodded his head and a big ear to ear grin spread across his face as the excitement burst free from him.
"I sure did! I have to be at the studio tonight." he stated excitedly. "I'm going to be a millionaire!"
"Well congratulations!" stated the Captain as he slapped Johnny on the shoulders.
"Just because you're on the show doesn't mean you're going to win." Roy stated dryly.
Johnny shot him a cockeyed look. "Can't you be happy for me just once?! Do you ALWAYS have to be so negative?"
"I AM happy for you. It's just that I don't want you to get your hopes up too much. I mean you still have to answer the questions correctly and there's going to be a lot of competition." concluded Roy.
"I almost forgot about that!" stated Johnny as an intense look of concentration crossed his face. "I need to have some back up help."
"You want us to go with you to the studio and sit in the audience?" asked Marco.
"Who said I wanted any of your help?" countered Johnny. "After all you guys thought I was crazy."
"Aw come on Johnny. We're the only friend's you've got. And between all of us we know a lot of trivial information." stated Chet.
Johnny eyed Chet suspiciously. "I suppose you'd want a cut of the winnings too."
Chet shrugged his shoulders helplessly. "Maybe just one of those new cars you were mumbling about yesterday."
"Alright, you guys can help me if I need it. But it might be better if you all stayed home and I called you. I mean I'm going to be nervous enough as it is and having everyone in the audience will only make it worse."
"Why don't we all meet at my place and watch the show on television." Roy offered. "Joanne can make some snacks for us."
"I can bring some chips." stated Marco.
"I'll bring some beer." added Mike.
"I'll bring some girls. We'll make it a real party." Chet teased.
"Oh you guys are a real laugh riot." Johnny said sarcastically. "Hey! Speaking of girls, I better call Linda. I know she'll want to be in on this!" He turned around and put a dime into the phone and dialed Linda's number. The rest of the crew headed out of the community room discussing their plans for that night.
Most of the "A" shift crew had already gathered at the Desoto household. Linda was helping Joanne put all the snacks out onto the dinning room table. The men gathered in the living room and turned on the television set. The evening news was just winding down.
"I can't believe Johnny actually got on that show." Joanne commented as she set down a bowl of chips.
"You know I thought this was just another one of his hair brained ideas." laughed Linda as she set out some dip. She stood motionless for a moment with a thoughtful look on her face. Joanne noticed Linda's sudden change in mood.
"What's wrong?"
"I was just wondering why it's so important for him to win so much money. I mean this whole million dollar thing has been an obsession with him for the past few weeks."
"I'll tell you a secret, but you have to promise never to let Roy or Johnny know that I told you okay?
"Alright."
"Johnny told Roy that you haven't gone out on a second date yet because you've been busy."
"Yeah. I have been. What's that got to do with the money?"
"Well Roy thinks that Johnny got it in his head that you don't want to date him because he's poor."
Linda looked at Joanne incredulously. "THAT'S the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard!"
"Yeah, but that's how Johnny thinks."
"Oh I know his mind goes off on some tangents, but to think I don't want to go out with him because he's not rich is just plain stupid!"
"Well if Johnny has his way you'll never have to work again and you two will be alone on a deserted island with your twenty kids."
Linda's eyes bugged out of her head and her mouth dropped open as she stared at Joanne in disbelief. "TWENTY KIDS?!!!!!!!!!!" she stated incredulously.
Joanne laughed. "That's what Chet over heard Johnny mumbling to himself the other day. And you know how Johnny is…once he sets his sights on a goal…."
"I'll kill him first." Linda interjected sarcastically. "Twenty kids. Really now... me and that boy have to have a serious talk."
"I'd say the sooner the better." laughed Joanne as the door bell rang.
"I'll get it." offered Linda as she headed across the room. Joanne headed back to the kitchen.
Linda pulled the door open and Chet entered the room followed by Mike. Each man carried three cases of beer in their arms. Linda looked at them in surprise.
"What's all this for?" she asked in bewilderment.
"Well…" started Chet as he dropped his cases down by the door. "We thought we'd be prepared for either a victory celebration or to drown our sorrows in defeat."
Linda laughed as Mike dropped his cases down next to Chet's and pulled a bottle out of the top case. "You guys are too much." she stated as she shook her head.
"So where's the food?" asked Mike as he took a drink of his beer.
Chet shot Mike a comical look then he looked at Linda. "Well Johnny may not be here physically, but he's here in spirit." he teased. Linda laughed and pointed to the dining room.
"Help yourself guys. We have plenty of food." Chet and Mike headed for the table as Linda picked up one of the cases and headed for the kitchen.
"Hey! The show's about to come on!" Roy called from the living room. Joanne, Linda, Chet and Mike quickly headed into the living room and gathered around the television.
"You know all the shifts and even the Chief are going to be watching Johnny tonight." stated Captain Stanley as he took a drink of his beer.
"All my coworkers are going to be watching." added Linda. "They're dying to see what the guy I keep talking about looks like."
"Well let's hope for once Gage doesn't blow it." Chet stated evenly.
"SHHH!" ordered Joanne as she pressed her index finger to her lips. "The show's beginning."
A short man with a toothy grin plastered on his face and a bad toupee on his head smiled at them from the television screen. He was wearing a loud plaid sport coat with white pants and a striped shirt and paisley tie.
"Good evening ladies and gentlemen! I'm Regie Filbert and this is my show "YOU TOO CAN WIN BIG!!! The only show where anybody in the country can win a million dollars!" the announcer stated enthusiastically. Everyone in the DeSoto living room stared in utter amazement at the television.
"Talk about some bad hair! Man that guy looks like he's wearing a cat on his head." quipped Chet.
"Check out those teeth. I'll bet their capped." commented Captain Stanley.
"He needs some volume control for that jacket. It's a little loud." observed Joanne.
"Where's Johnny?" asked Mike.
"They haven't introduced the contestants yet. He'll be on in a moment." stated Marco.
"Tonight we have three outstanding contestants who are going to try to win the grand prize of a million dollars.! Let me introduce our first contestant Isabella B. Morcy from Bowie, Maryland.
There is a close up of thin, petite young woman who is wearing a black halter top which shows off her well endowed cleavage underneath a leather biker jacket and leopard skin leather pants. Her flaming red hair was cut short and spiked up in various spots. Sitting on the podium next to her buzzer button was a large plastic rat.
"Just call me Izzy." She stated as she loudly chewed on her gum.
"Okay Izzy." Regie said as he stuck a microphone under her nose. "Why don't you tell us a little bit about yourself."
"Well…my name is Izzy B. Morcy…the "B" is for Bernadette…and I like music…and Clove cigarettes and when I'm not roading it with my husband Jimmi I spend my time at our trailer working on my art."
"Oh that's very interesting. Do you sculpt or paint?" Regie asked with interest.
"I'm very artistic so I don't limit myself to one particular thing. I'm really into nudes right now so at the moment painting is the best form for me." Izzy responded as she cracked her gum.
"And I understand that you brought someone with you today to help out in case you get stuck on a question." Regis continued.
Izzy broke out into an ear to ear grin, "Yeah I sure did. My handsome husband Jimi. He's a musician and a higher thinker. He's my soul mate and best friend. Jimmi honey stand up so the people at home can see you.!"
The camera panned to the audience and a tall, thin man with blond dreadlocks stood up and waved at the camera. He was wearing a black mesh shirt and ripped blue jeans and tennis shoes that had seen better days.
"His band the FOUL PLAYERS have a new album coming out next month called WEED. I want everyone to go out and buy it. You wouldn't believe the tracks they've laid down on this thing. "
"Oh I could just imagine what type of record THAT is!" Roy stated as he rolled his eyes.
"Some one give that woman a tranquilizer." quipped Linda.
"Better yet someone give her the number to a good make up artist and hair stylist." added Joanne. The men laughed as Linda and Joanne slapped each other five.
"Well Linda I think you're safe." stated Chet matter of factly.
"Safe from what?" she asked in confusion.
"Safe from Johnny pouring out any of that Gage Charm of his on good ole Izzy there.. She's DEFINITELY not his type." Chet ducked and laughed as Linda whacked him with one of the decorative pillows from the couch.
"Izzy if you were to win the grand prize of a million dollars what would you do with it?" Regie asked.
"Have on hell of a party!!!!!" Izzy stated enthusiastically. "And if there were any money left over then we'd buy a new furnace for the trailer."
"And Izzy can you explain your friend the rat there. Is it some kind of good luck charm?"
"Yeah. This here is Rabid Rat. He use to be the mascot for my husband's band when we were in high school. At our prom Jimi gave me Rabid and asked me to go steady. He's been my good luck charm ever since."
"Thank you Izzy." Regis stated as he moved on to the next contestant. "Our next contestant is Slo Mo from Washington D.C. So tell the audience a little bit about yourself Slo Mo." Regie stuck the microphone under the nose of a tall, thin young man with dark wavy hair that looked like it hadn't seen a comb, soap or water in months. Slo Mo sported a dark mustache, and beard. He wore a black beret on his head, beatnik styled sunglasses, a tie dyed shirt with a marijuana leaf on the front, worn jeans and sandals.
"Well…" the young man drawled slowly. "I'm a musician looking for a band. My micro bus died just out side of Phoenix and I hitched hiked here…."
"What instrument do you play?" Regie asked.
"Instrument?" Slo Mo asked with confusion in his voice. "Oh…yeah…like I play drums and like…well man some guitar…and when I'm really stoned I can play tambourine."
"Hey Jimi needs a drummer!" Izzy interjected. "Honey what do you say we give him a listen after the show?!"
The camera panned to the audience and Jimi nodded his head and made the peace sign.
"Far out man!" drawled Slo Mo as he returned the peace sign.
"So how'd you get such an interesting name?" inquired Regie.
"It's a nick name. My parents always said I moved in slooooow mooootion…so they called me Slo Mo."
"How interesting." Regis stated. "And what will you do with the money if you win the jackpot?"
"Have my Micro bus fixed man after I throw a party for my friends."
"You know for once Gage may be the only NORMAL person in a room." observed Captain Stanley.
"That's a scary thought." Roy added dryly.
"And now for our third contestant…."
"Heeeeeeeere's Johnny!" Linda yelled excitedly as she nervously grabbed Chet by the collar. Roy and the others looked at her with comical expressions on their faces.
"Somebody has been watching too much of the Late Show With Johnny Carson." Roy observed.
Linda laughed slightly, "Sorry. I couldn't resist."
"…John Gage from right here in Los Angeles."
The camera showed a full view of Johnny as he stared blankly into space. Linda slouched down on the couch in embarrassment.
"OH MY GAWD!!!!!! I don't believe he wore THOSE PANTS!!!!!!!" she groaned as she raised the pillow to her face. "I can never go back to work after this! The other girls will NEVER let me live this down!" She slunk lower down into the couch. The rest of the gathered audience started to crack up laughing. Johnny was wearing a pair of brown, beige, white and black window framed pants along with tan suede shoes, a plaid western shirt, black tie which hung crooked around his neck and a wrinkled beige sport coat.
"I hope the first thing he buys with his millions is a new wardrobe." quipped Marco.
"How about if he just hires some one to dress him. That man has no fashion sense." chimed in Chet.
"No one on this show has any fashion sense." commented Joanne dryly.
"Linda WHAT do you see in that twit?!" Captain Stanley asked incredulously as he looked at Linda who was still buried under the pillow.
"I know love is blind, but Linda you've got to admit that some things even the blind can see!" stated Roy.
"Are THOSE the clown pants he wore on your first date?!!" asked Chet.
Linda nodded her head and whimpered from under the pillow.
"And you still went out with him?" Joanne asked in shock.
"I made him change those stupid things first." was the muffled reply.
"What's wrong with him. Look, he's just staring at the wall or something." commented Mike as he pointed to the television screen.
"Maybe Slo Mo and Izzy were sharing their pot with him before the show." offered Chet as explanation for Johnny's stoned look.
"He's camera shy." stated Roy. "I think the red light has him hypnotized."
"Maybe we could give him a post hypnotic suggestion like… when you wake up you'll dress like a normal human." joked Captain Stanley.
"Better yet…when you wake up you'll ACT like a normal human." quipped Chet.
The men all laughed and slapped each other high five's. Linda lowered the pillow and peeked at the television screen. "Mental note to myself." she mumbled. "BURN THOSE PANTS!"
"Well there goes the reputation of the whole LA County Fire Department." Captain Stanley stated sarcastically.
"So John what is it that you do for a living? Regie asked as he stuck the microphone under Johnny's nose.
"Uh…I….uh…um…I…" Johnny mumbled hesitantly as he continued to stare at the camera blankly.
"What's the matter sweet cheeks?" Izzy asked as she grabbed Johnny's backside. "Cat got your tongue?
Johnny turned his head quickly and looked at Izzy in shock. Everyone watching at the DeSoto house burst out laughing as Johnny turned six shades of red on camera.
"Looks like you may have some competition after all." Chet remarked as he glanced at Linda.
"She can have him." Linda stated sarcastically.
"It says on your application that you're a Fireman slash Paramedic." Regie prompted.
"Um…I…uh…" Johnny looked at Regie in confusion. "What was the question again?"
A collective groan went up in the DeSoto living room.
"Didn't I tell you he'd blow it on the first question?!" asked Chet smugly.
"What do you do for a living John." repeated Regie. "It says here you're an LA County Fireman and Paramedic."
"Uh…yeah! That's what I do!" Johnny answered a little too enthusiastically. "Do I win the million dollars now?!" he asked hopefully. Regie started to laugh.
"Not yet. First we have to play the game."
"Oh." Johnny stated dejectedly. "
Izzy studied Johnny as he interacted with Regie. "Hey sweet cheeks have you ever thought about being a nude model? I'll bet you've got a great form under those duds."
Johnny's face turned beet red as Izzy grabbed his backside again. "Nice muscle tone too."
"Will you stop that!!!" Johnny stated hysterically as he tried to move far away from her.
"Don't get your britches in a knot sweet cheeks" Izzy stated sarcastically. "I just call em as I see em."
"Can I say "hi"" to my friends watching at home?" Johnny asked in exasperation as he watched Izzy suspiciously..
Everyone at the DeSoto house held up their hands and waved frantically at the television set as they answered in unison, "NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!"
"Sure. Go ahead." stated Regie.
"Hi Captain Stanley. Hi Chet. Hi. Roy and Joanne. Hi Mike. Hi Marco." Johnny waved weakly at the camera and tried to force a smile. "And a special hello to the prettiest girl I know…Hi Linda." Johnny flashed his classic crooked grin at the camera.
Chet, Roy, Captain Stanley and Linda were now all slouched down on the couch in embarrassment. Chet and Roy each grabbed for the pillow Linda held over her face.
"Hey! Share with us!" whined Chet.
"Get your own pillow!" came the muffled reply.
Marco covered his face with his hands and groaned while Joanne just hung her head and pinched the bridge of her nose as if she had a head ache.
"I think I need another beer." stated Mike dryly as he rose from the couch.
"Get me one!" called out Roy.
"Make that three beers!" added Captain Stanley.
"I need one too!" called out Marco.
"Don't we have anything stronger than beer?" asked Linda as she lowered the pillow and looked hopefully at Chet.
"No, but I can make a booze run." he stated.
"Go for it." Joanne sighed wearily. "It looks like it's going to be a long night."
"I'll go with you." volunteered Captain Stanley as he jumped off the couch.
"Me too!" agreed Roy as he followed his commander.
"Count me in too!" stated Mike.
The men quickly exited the house leaving the woman alone to suffer through the agony of watching the contest. Joanne looked at Linda skeptically.
"Just what DO you see in that man?!" she asked incredulously.
"I'm beginning to wonder myself." Linda sighed heavily.
A close up of Johnny waving frantically at the camera and smiling a dopey grin filled the television screen as Regie segued to a commercial, "Well be right back to play, YOU TOO CAN WIN BIG!!"
************************************************************************
Johnny was starting to feel more confident about himself and he even began to relax some in front of the camera. He had answered every question in record time and had a total of $150,000 in his favor. Izzy was giving him a run for his money and the two ended up tied for first place. Slo Mo had not made any attempt to answer any questions which netted him a zero in his pot. Because of the sunglasses Johnny could not tell if Slo Mo had fallen asleep or was just too stoned to care. As a matter of precaution Izzy, Johnny and Regie waved their hands in front of Slo Mo's face, but there was no reaction. Seeing that the other man was still breathing Johnny surmised that he was still alive and not in need of any medical attention at that time.
No one at the Desoto household was aware of any of that though. The sound had been turned down on the television set and someone had put on a record. A full blown party was in gear as the beer and hard liquor ran continuously. Chet had a lampshade on his head and was hula dancing to disco song. . The alcohol had loosened Mike's tongue and he sang the words to the song while dancing on the coffee table. Roy and Joanne boogied in the middle of the living room as Linda and Captain Stanley gyrated around the entire room. Marco played disc jockey and kept the tunes spinning.
Back at the television station the game was heading into it's final moments. Johnny and Izzy were still tied.
"Okay…John, Izzy this is the final question of the evening. This will decide who will take home the one million dollars." Regie stated dramatically. "Izzy if you buzz in first remember that you can not ask for assistance since you already used your one chance. John you still have the option of calling for help if needed." Johnny and Izzy both nodded their heads in agreement. "Okay here's the final question. When was the leaning tower of Pisa erected."
Without hesitation Johnny's hand quickly hit the buzzer button first. "So you think you can answer that question John?" asked Regie.
"Um…yeah. I think so." stated Johnny.
"Alright…you have a choice now. You can back out if you're not sure or you could try for the next level or you could double your pot and go for the million. Which will it be?"
"I'm going for the million Regiie!." Johnny stated enthusiastically.
"Alright then! Do you want help or can you answer on your own?"
"I'd like to call for help."
"Okay" A beautiful model pushed a cart with a phone on it out on to the stage. "Go ahead John make your one phone call."
Johnny smiled at the model as she walked off stage and began to dial the phone number.
The party was in full swing now and not a soul at the DeSoto's was feeling any pain. Cher's Gypsies, Tramps and Thieves was blaring full blast and everyone was dancing around wildly and singing along with the song. No one heard the phone until the song ended.
"Hey…I don't remember a phone in that song." slurred Chet.
"There is no phone in the song." Roy slurred in response.
"Oh" Chet stated matter of factly as he grabbed the receiver and answered the phone. Marco put on another record.
"PARTY CENTRAL!!!!" Chet announced loudly into the receiver.
Johnny could barely hear Chet over the Eagles song that blared in the back ground. He jammed his right index finger into his right ear and pressed the receiver closer to his left ear.
"HELLO?!!" Johnny screamed into the phone.
"HOWDY!!!!" was the drunken reply he received.
"CHET?! IT"S JOHNNY!" Johnny yelled
"NO! JOHNNY"S NOT HERE!!!" Chet answered.
Johnny's eyes narrowed into angry slits as he glared at the phone. "CHET TURN DOWN THE MUSIC!!!!!!!!!!" he yelled.
"YOU LIKE THE MUSIC?!"
Johnny looked around in embarrassment as he noticed that Izzy and Regie were giving him strange looks. He sighed heavily and smiled weakly at them.
"NO CHET I DON"T LIKE THE MUSIC!!!! CHET LISTEN I NEED YOUR HELP!!!" Johnny bellowed.
Roy glanced at the television set and caught a glimpse of Johnny on camera talking on the phone.
"Hey, Johnny's on the phone?" he drunkenly observed.
"Rampart this is Squad 51…" quipped Captain Stanley as he too watched the silent visual. Roy burst out laughing.
"CHET WHEN WAS THE LEANING TOWER OF PISA BUILT?"
"PIZZA?!" I DON"T KNOW! LET ME CHECK." Chet cupped his hand over the receiver and looked around the room. "HEY DID ANYBODY ORDER A PIZZA?!!!"
"NO, BUT WE'LL TAKE IT!!" offered Mike.
Chet got back on the phone, "NO WE DIDN'T ORDER A PIZZA, BUT WE'LL TAKE IT IF IT''S PAID FOR."
Johnny shut his eyes tightly and shook his head in disbelief. "CHET NOT PIZZA…PISA…P…I…S..A…IT'S IN ITALLY…YOU KNOW WHERE ITALLIANS LIVE!"
"OH YOU NEED SOMEONE TO SPEAK ITALIAN!! HOLD ON!"
"NO CHET I DON'T NEED…" he was cut short by the sound of the receiver being dropped and a loud THUD in his ear.
"Your time is almost up John." Regie warned.
"Yeah, I know…but wait…" he motioned for Regie to wait just a moment longer. "I've got a bad connection…really…I can answer that one. Just…just hang on for a moment."
"SIE?"
Johnny pulled the receiver away from his ear and looked at it quizzically.
"MARCO?!!!" he asked incredulously.
"SIE?"
Johnny sighed heavily. "MARCO WHEN WAS THE LEANING TOWER OF PISA IN ITALLY BUILT?"
"SORRY, I DON'T SPEAK ITALIAN. ONLY SPANISH."
"MARCO IS ROY THERE?!"
"SIE."
"PUT HIM ON!" Johnny's ear was insulted with another loud THUD as Marco dropped the phone. Johnny could hear laughing and talking in the background mixed with the music.
"YEAH?" Roy stated into the phone.
"ROY THANK GOD!!!" Johnny stated in relief when he heard his friend's voice. "LOOK I NEED TO KNOW WHEN THE LEANING TOWER OF PISA WAS BUILT."
"WE TOLD YOU MAN SEND THE PIZZA ON UP!!! WE GOT A LOT OF HUNGRY PARTIERS HERE!!!"
Johnny winced as if he were in extreme pain and sighed heavily. Limbo music was now playing and Johnny could hear Chet yelling, "DO THE LIMBO! HOW LOW CAN YOU GO?!"
"HEY MAN WHEN YOU BRING THAT PIZZA BRING SOME FRIED CHICKEN TOO!!!" Mike said into the receiver.
"MIKE?!!"
"YEAH?! HOW DO YOU KNOW ME?!" Mike asked with a paranoid tone to his voice.
" MIKE IT'S JOHNNY!!!"
"NO I HAVEN'T SEEN JOHNNY. HERE MAYBE LINDA CAN HELP YOU!"
Johnny was becoming desperate as the studio music played counting down the seconds and Regie pointed to his watch.
"HOWDY!"
Johnny looked relieved when he heard Linda's voice on the other end of the phone.
"LINDA LISTEN TO ME!! HONEY I NEED YOUR HELP. DO YOU KNOW WHEN THE LEANING TOWER OF PISA WAS ERECTED?" he asked hopefully.
"HEY BUDDY I DON'T KNOW WHO YOU ARE, BUT I WILL NOT GIVE YOU AND ERECTION FOR A PIZZA!!!"
"LINDA!!! NO LINDA!!!!! IT'S ME JOHNNY!!!!! LINDA HONEY…." There were some muffled sounds as the phone was passed on to someone else.
"NOW LISTEN HERE YOU PERVERT…." Captain Stanley said into the receiver. "YOU CAN KEEP YOUR CRUMMY OLD PIZZA!!! I WON'T TOLERATE ANY SEXUAL HARRASSMENT OF ANY OF THE WOMAN WHO BELONG TO THE MEN UNDER MY COMMAND!!"
"CAPT.!!!! IT'S ME JOHNNY!!!! I …"
"YOU BETTER HOPE JOHNNY DOESN'T FIND OUT ABOUT THIS OR HE'LL RIP YOU A NEW ORAFICE!!!"
"CAPT…." Johnny started weakly.
Chet was back on the line again. "HEY DUDE WHY DON'T YOU TAKE THAT PIZZA AND SIT ON IT!!!!" There was a loud click then a buzz as the phone went dead. Things suddenly got very quiet. Johnny slowly hung up the phone and looked at Regie as the buzzer sounded the end of his time..
"Well John, for a million dollars what's the answer?" the host asked.
"My friend's are all NUTS!!!" Johnny stated emphatically.
"I'm sorry that's the wrong answer. Izzy it looks like you're our champion tonight with $150,000!!!!!"
Izzy jumped up and down excitedly and kissed the rat as the music rose and the show ended.
"Never underestimate the power of the rat!!!" Izzy yelled triumphantly.
Jim joined Izzy on stage and the two hugged and kissed each other joyously. Slo Mo continued to just stand there and not move as Johnny just stared into space with a murderous look on his face.
Chet was crashed on the couch in the community room the next morning with an ice bag on his head. Roy sat at the table nursing a bottle of aspirin. Captain Stanley sat at the head of the table with a glass of water to which he added two alkaseltzer tablets.
"Plop, plop fizz, fizz." stated the Captain as he watched the tablets dissolve in the liquid.
"Can't those things fizz a little more quieter?" asked Mike.
Mike had a pot of coffee in front of him. He picked the pot up and drank directly from it. Marco was collapsed on the table sound asleep. Johnny walked menacingly into the community room. There was a murderous look on his face. He stopped short when he saw the hung over crew. An evil grin spread across his face as he quietly backed out of the room. He returned a few seconds later with a bull horn. He turned the volume up to full and put the horn to his lips.
"GOOD MORNING AND WELCOME TO STATION 51!!!!!!" he said. The sound of his voice echoed off the walls.
Captain Stanley covered his ears, Roy rubbed his head, Marco jerked back suddenly and fell off his chair, Mike dropped his coffee pot and Chet rolled off the couch as they responded to the sudden loud sound.
"Gage go away!" groaned Chet as he climbed back onto the couch.
Johnny went over the couch and knelt down next to Chet. He looked at his coworker sympathetically.
"Aw! Do we have an iddy biddy hang over?" Johnny quietly whispered as if he was talking to a baby.
"Yes." stated Chet matter of factly.
Johnny raised the bullhorn to his mouth and turned it on. "TOO BAD!!!!!" he stated.
"AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!" screamed Chet as he jumped off the couch.
"So does anybody want any breakfast? How about some eggs, bacon, sausage, pancakes, waffles…." Johnny asked cheerfully.
"Please…don't mention food…" moaned Marco weakly as he held his stomach and up righted his chair.
Johnny paced around the room and studied his coworkers.
He came to a stop by Mike. "I could always make scrambled eggs or an omelet….I like the GREEN chunks in an omelet…you know the GREEN pepper and the GREEN onions…" he stated as he bent down close to Mike so that their faces were only inches apart. "Say Mike you're looking a little GREEN yourself."
"Shut up." Mike stated as he grabbed his stomach and rifted.
"Johnny…good news…you get to drive today." Roy offered weakly as he dropped his head wearily into his hands.
Johnny gave his partner a side long glance. "Don't try to butter me up Roy." he stated sarcastically.
"Gage do you plan on torturing us all day?" Captain Stanley moaned.
Johnny got a thoughtful look on his face. "Well considering the fact that you guys…my SUPPOSED friends…cost me a million dollars I'd say it's the least I could do to repay the favor."
"Should we warn Linda that you plan on torturing her too?" asked Mike.
A mischievous look crossed Johnny's face. "Oh I have a special punishment in mind for Linda." he stated slyly
"He'll probably have a sit in on her porch wearing those pants." Chet quipped meekly.
The rest of the men tried to laugh, but ended up with a collective groan instead.
Johnny paced around the room again. He stopped in front of Marco and swayed from side to side as he spoke. "I really appreciate all your help last night. You're support was overwhelming." he stated sarcastically. "Do you realize that I had a million dollars in my grasps and I lost it because you clowns decided to have a party. The butt grabbing rat lady got my money!"
"Johnny stop moving." Marco stated weakly.
"I'm not moving Marco." Johnny answered with a straight face.
"Oh my lord the room is still spinning!" Marco moaned in despair. Johnny stifled a laugh.
"Sorry about that… apologized Mike "But here's the bright spot…I heard that they're going run the contest in another six months so you'll get a second chance.".
"Really?!" Johnny asked with curiosity. Captain Stanley and the rest of the men gave Mike the evil eye.
Johnny suddenly became lost in deep thought. "Hmmmm. If I start studying now…" he said out loud to himself as he left the room.
"Stoker how would you like latrine duty for the rest of the day?" asked Captain Stanley.
"Hey it go rid of him." Mike stated matter of factly.
"Good point." agreed the Captain.
"Yeah, but now we'll have to live through this nightmare all over again." stated Roy.
"So who's house should we have the next party at?" asked Chet.
Captain Stanley and the others glared at him and waved off his comment. Chet just shrugged his shoulders and plopped the ice bag on his head as he laid back down on the couch.
"Are you Linda Halloran?"
Linda's head felt like a lead weight as she slowly raised it from her desk and looked through blood shot eyes at the tall, good looking delivery man who stood on the opposite side
Her mouth felt dry and her lips stick together as she tried to speak. "Um…I think…" She licked her lips and reached for the name plate in front of her. Linda looked at the name plate and nodded her head.
"Yeah. That's me…atleast that's what this thing says." She whispered quietly as she dropped the name plate.
"Well I have a delivery for you from a Mr. John Gage." stated the delivery man.
"A delivery from Johnny?" Linda asked dumbly. "What is it?"
"He said it was a surprise."
"Oh…um…okay. I'll accept it. Just bring it in and set it on my desk…or wherever." she stated weakly.
The man headed for the door as Linda forced herself to sit up in her seat. The movement caused a wave of nausea to sweep over her which she fought. She opened her desk drawer and took out a bottle of aspirin.
"OKAY BOYS BRING IT IN!" the delivery man shouted. Linda winced at pain at the sound of the loud noise. She swallowed two aspirins and stared at the bottle. She then dumped all the pills in her hand and swallowed them as she carelessly tossed the empty bottle over her shoulder.
A trail of pizza delivery men entered her small office each carrying twenty boxes a piece. Linda looked at the men in shock.
"What in the….?! What is this?!!" she asked incredulously.
"I don't know. I was just told to deliver them to you." answered the man.
The pizzas kept coming and the office was quickly becoming over run with boxes. A crowd of Linda's coworkers gathered at the door.
Linda looked at her friends helplessly and motioned for them to enter the room.
"Come on guys grab a box. I have plenty."
Soon the office was filled with office workers and pizza boxes. The delivery man handed Linda note.
"Mr. Gage also asked me to give you this message." he stated.
Linda slowly opened the folded piece of paper and read it silently to herself as the delivery man reached into a briefcase on the floor and pulled out a tape recorder. He then laid the recorder on the desk. Linda's face turned beet red.
"OH NO!" she groaned.
"So what's lover boy have to say?" asked one of the girls as she grabbed for the note.
"VAL!!!! NO!!! Don't you dare read that!" warned Linda as the delivery man pushed the PLAY button on the recorder and sexy strip music started playing. The girls started to laugh as the delivery man gyrated to the music and threw off his jacket.
Val read the note aloud so everyone could hear. "How about I give you an erection and a pizza? Enjoy. Love Johnny the POOR fireman.." She looked at Linda with an expression of confusion. "I don't get it."
"It's a long story." moaned Linda as she slunk down in her seat and covered her face with her hands.
"Your boyfriend is weird." commented a second coworker. "But he knows how to throw one hell of a party!!"
"I wish my boyfriend would send me a stripper." commented a third coworker. "This sure beats roses!"
Linda slid underneath her desk as her friends all enjoyed the pizza party. She could hear them laughing and whooping it up. Wearily she rested her head against the back of the desk and tightly closed her eyes.
"I'm gonna kill him." she mumbled matter of factly. "I am really going to kill him."
She buried her face in her knees and tried to will away the pounding headache and nausea that was building up inside her.
